Starting Over… Again

Why is starting over so hard? New beginnings should be all about doing what feels good, exploring new options and endless optimism. It’s a chance to get things right this time and be better. I mean that’s definitely something to be excited about right? I don’t know about you, but new beginnings also come with a ton of confusion and fear which can be paralyzing.

It feels like the old me and the new me are battling for that #1 spot. But I know the old me so well it’s easy to slip back into her old habits. I know all her strengths and weaknesses. I know how to diagnose every emotion she feels and how she likes to relax after a a stressful day (hint.. guess what day it is!). I know her favorite everything.

But if I’m being honest, the old me is a procrastinator. She’s an annoying perfectionist, an over-thinker, indecisive, overly critical… She’s a kill joy (your typical daughter of swords for my tarot readers). She stifles my creativity and makes it impossible for me to get anything done. I know it doesn’t sound like it, but I say these things with love. The standard for everything I do is very high because of my time ‘as’ her. I used to need her input and respect her opinion, but I’ve outgrown her.

I can’t just be an innocent bystander anymore. Like the little girl in the pic, I have to intentionally pick a side. I admit I’m intimidated by this ‘new’ me. She doesn’t allow the same shit the old me does. She’s even started throwing people out of my life as she makes room for herself. lol There’s no confusion or discussion about what needs to be done, it just gets done. Basically, she’s got her shit together! I always love when she comes through to fix my life and I always want her to stay for awhile. But the old me and the new me cannot exist in the same space. If I want to become her, I have to pick up her habits and release anything that doesn’t serve her.

Now I’m here writing this blog because i’m sick and tired of standing in my own way + the new version of myself has 0 chill, so I can’t eat or drink anything until I at least finish editing this blog. The funny thing is I’ve worked in technology for 12 years and I tell everyone that creating content is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But “something” has been telling me to give this blog thing another shot for months and I’ve literally been doing everything but this. Life has a funny way of letting you know you ain’t slick though. So here I am, once again, facing my fears and overcoming myself.

Of course I can’t close without saying thank you to all the girl bosses out there that inspire me everyday and make me feel like I CAN!

First and foremost @beyonce (duh! I mean did you see her at #Beychella?)
@iamcardib (okuuuuurrrrr)
@passport_cutty, @theprofessionalhomegirl, @chefrima, @halfietruths, @theshelahmarie, @royal_rumbler, @fabglance, @dreamchelle, @robinraynellemusic, @paigebrowndesigns, @suezette, @ohthatsgracie, @mitracorinne, @kuiana_michelle…. just to name a few. Some of them are friends that share their stories with me and give me a behind the scenes of how they turn lemons to lemonade, but most of them I’ve never spoken to, they just inspire me with their authenticity. It’s because of them I’m able to get over myself and write this blog today.

I’m also writing this for anyone out there that looks to me as an inspiration for whatever reason. I feel you and no amount of xanax, mary jane or wine can mask that feeling. lol I hope you find the courage to do whatever it is your heart has been telling you to do, make sure it scares the shit out of you though, and I’d love to hear your stories if you’re willing to share. In the meantime, make sure you’re following me on instagram (@pettydd) and visit the Ethical Brands page to find yourself a new sustainable product to use. It’s good for the planet!